How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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