her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
