what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize