i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
