Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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