How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
