I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need to sanitize my soul.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
