Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
