Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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