Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
