please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
