dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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