the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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