I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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