All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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