ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
