Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
