The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
