There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
