My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
