My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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