a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
