I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
