Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
