i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
A bitchslap is in order.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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