A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize