We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
