***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
we should paint friendship bongs
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