Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
