Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
