My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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