Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
