if you like me you must not know who I am
thus making me awesome and them whores
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
