so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
