i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
