she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
