Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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