i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
try to milk me bitch
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
