I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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