you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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