If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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