i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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