Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
