I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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