I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
