The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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