I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
