a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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