I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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