she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
