well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
