I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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