can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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